Do you remember the negative adjectives that were used to describe you when you were a child? Do you remember the hurt they caused, who they came from and the effect they had on your self-esteem, your dreams or the person you turned out to be as an adult?Most adults who have experienced such demeaning events in their childhood holds those experiences somewhere in their subconscious mind, waiting to resurface to take them back to that place, time, person and pain that may have accompanied the dreadful event.
The memories of these instances of verbal abuse can be triggered by seeing children suffering the same fate you did as a child, and these memories can be as painful as the first time they took place. They can also bring back the feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.
As parents we need to know that trying to raise our children by using demeaning words does not create better adults and that quiet, reserved and docile children are not necessarily good children, but most likely ones with poor image of themselves and who they are compared to others.
We also need to realize that as parents and adults we have to take drastic measures to prevent this from happening to our children. It’s difficult for some parent to realize the damage that the wrong words can cause to innocent and fragile children. We use degrading words too often to address our children, believing somehow that if they are demeaned that they becomes smarter, better, and more responsible and respectable children, when in fact it does the complete opposite.
Children who are continuously called by demeaning names such as stupid or god-for-nothing usually react in a violent fashion, not against the adult perpetuating the insults, but against other children. It is quite possible that by verbally abusing our children we ourselves help create abuser.In response to abusive situations, children might also become timid, fearful, and affected with low self-esteem or in some cases they might create characters to fit the words used to describe them, or the image they think the parent has of them as children.
If we want to create a better society in which our children and subsequently or grandchildren can grow-up and be productive citizen of the world, we have to pay attention to the way we talk to them, the way we raise them and the words we used to describe them.
As adults we need to expand our vocabulary to include words that uplift, encourage and express love; children who hear words such as smart, intelligent and love to describe them usually turns out to be that way because he or she believes that if an adult, especially a parent, uses these words to describe him or her, then it must be true, so they work at making these adjectives used to describe them true. Positive words used to describe our children helps built confidence, and self-esteem. And children with high self-esteem are less like to fail socially and academically and are most likely to foster healthy and productive relationships as adults.
Please encourage your children by using words that uplift them and increase their sense of value and never use demeaning words that hurts them. A safe, secure and productive future depends on the children we raise today; so raise them well and show them love.